


boys will be bugs

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst with a Happy Ending, Closeted Characters, Fist Fights, Growing Up Together, Implied Feelings, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lots of Cursing, M/M, Toxic Masculinity, Verbal Abuse, boys will be bugs by cavetown, it sounds rough but TRUST ME ITS NOT AS BAD AS IT LOOKS FROM THE TAGS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-06-27 10:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19788853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: the highs and lows of kwon soonyoung, as described by jeon wonwoo.





	boys will be bugs

**Author's Note:**

> for starters, i want to give a huge shout out to the cool as shit artist i got to work with on this project, anna !! the real mvp !! it was a real honour to be able to work with her 
> 
> yall should check her out @jeonbuns_00 (twt) @maiyumi00 (ig)
> 
>   
> [here's the art she made for the fic!](https://t.co/1s6zuWYmPF?amp=1)
> 
>   
> happy reading! 
> 
> -parker (my new name :D)

Wonwoo was six when he met Soonyoung for the first time.

His family had just moved into the neighbourhood but even at 6 years old, Wonwoo despised the idea of having to move.

He had so many friends back where they used to live, so many nice neighbours, so many nice cats that used to walk up to him when he was playing in the yard. It was hard for him to have to say goodbye to so many of the people he’d practically known all his life.

This new house barely had a yard, the grass was dead, and it didn’t even have a nice garden like his mom used to have at their old house. By that standard alone, Wonwoo wished he could move back.

But still, his parents continued to unpack the moving truck and continued to try and make this place feel more like home.

He hadn’t thrown a fit, Wonwoo wasn’t that type of kid. Instead, he’d resorted to pretending like he liked the house. He vowed that one day, he’d take all his toys and leave, and move back to their old house.

He immediately forgot about that the day he met Soonyoung.

He’d been sitting in the living room of their finally fully furnished house with his mom, playing with the new dinosaur toys his friends had gotten him as a goodbye present when the doorbell rang.

Immediately, his mom was up on her feet to get the door. Wonwoo watched, his triceratops held close to his chest as she peered through the peephole.

“Ah, it’s the lady who lives next door!” his mom said, mostly to herself as she opened the door swiftly, smiling and greeting the woman in the doorway warmly. It was as if she’d known her for years.

Wonwoo didn’t understand why adults did that, why they acted like everyone was an old friend. His parents had said it had something to do with being neighbourly, but then again, they also liked to remind him not to talk to strangers. It was far too confusing of a topic for him.

Wonwoo hadn’t planned on going to introduce himself yet, especially when he didn’t even know the person when suddenly, he heard the voice of someone who sounded like a kid introducing themselves to his mom.

Suddenly very intrigued, Wonwoo made his way over to the front door, he wore a weary look on his face. His parents always laughed at that face. They always liked to joke about how even for a kid his age, his expressions rivalled that of a grown adult.

His expression shifted into a shy grin as his mom laughed, ruffling his hair adoringly. He wrapped himself around her leg, peeking up at the lady stood in their doorway.

He recognized her as the lady he’d seen a few days ago, the one who’d all but ran up to his mom as they were unpacking the truck. She had been talking animatedly, using big expressions and gestures, saying things like “If you need anything, I’m just next door” and “It’s nice to have a fresh face around the neighbourhood”.

“Wonwoo, this is Ms. Kwon. Say hi” his mom urged him and Wonwoo lifted his hand in a shy wave, avoiding eye contact as Ms. Kwon laughed warmly.

“Hey! You have a son too!” came the voice Wonwoo had heard earlier, he shifted his eyes up to find a chubby-faced boy with narrow eyes staring right back at him, he was slightly taller, but all the same, Wonwoo recognized that they were the same age. He was pointing at him.

“It’s not nice to point” Wonwoo mumbled and the boy across from him look startled, putting his hand down, Ms. Kwon ruffled his hair.

“Sorry,” the other kid said, smiling cheekily. Wonwoo thought he was silly.

“Wonwoo, this is Soonyoung, he’s your age,” Ms. Kwon told him and Wonwoo nodded, giving him a small smile. Soonyoung’s grin widened, revealing a missing tooth. Wonwoo hadn’t lost any teeth yet.

“Do you… Do you wanna play dinosaurs?” Wonwoo asked timidly, and Soonyoung’s eyes shone with excitement.

“Mom, can I?” Soonyoung asked, all but jumping up and down, his mom laughed, nodding as Soonyoung quickly toed off his shoes before following Wonwoo into the living room.

“This is my triceratops, his name is Trevor” Wonwoo told Soonyoung as they both sat down in the living room.

“But that’s a person name! I think he looks more like a… a Travis” Soonyoung said and Wonwoo couldn’t help but laugh, Soonyoung looked bewildered.

“That’s a person name too!” Wonwoo told him and Soonyoung looked shy as he tried to hide his face behind the stegosaurus.

“Well, I’ve never met anybody named Travis before” he defended stubbornly and Wonwoo giggled.

“Fine. His name is Travis” Wonwoo decided finally and Soonyoung nodded, looking proud of himself. Wonwoo could hear their moms’ giggling at them from behind him.

“What’s this one named?” Soonyoung asked, holding up the pterodactyl, Wonwoo grinned.

“You name it, that ones new,” Wonwoo said and Soonyoung thought for a moment.

“Let's name her… Peaches!” Soonyoung announced, holding her up high.

“Why, Peaches?”

“I like peaches… and I’m kinda hungry” Soonyoung said admittedly and Wonwoo burst out laughing as if Soonyoung was the funniest person he’d ever met in his life, and in some ways, he was.

From then on, Wonwoo decided that Soonyoung would be his best friend, and Soonyoung seemed to agree.

Soonyoung was at their front door every day asking if Wonwoo could play, and everyday Wonwoo was sat by the front door waiting for Soonyoung to come by.

They started to do everything together, growing almost inseparable. The only thing that you could do to separate the two was telling them it was time for bed. But even then, you’d find them yelling out to one another through their bedroom windows since they were right across from one another. 

The only thing that Wonwoo didn’t particularly find fun was when Soonyoung took him bug hunting.

Sure, bugs were cool and they looked awesome, especially to 2 boys that were 6 years old but bugs were also slimy and they had too many legs and too many eyes.

But if Soonyoung liked bugs, then Wonwoo would still tag along.

“Nonu! Look at this one!” Soonyoung said eagerly, offering a centipede in his outstretched hand to the slightly taller boy who stood a few feet away.

“Soonie, it’s gross!” Wonwoo whined, still coming over to look at it despite his distaste.

“It has so many legs on it!”

“It moves funny”

“Here! You should get to hold it” Soonyoung exclaimed and Wonwoo shook his head firmly. Soonyoung nodded, putting the centipede back into the grass.

That was another thing Wonwoo liked about hanging out with Soonyoung, he never forced him to hold the bugs.

“Oh! This one is a ladybug! Will you hold this one?” Soonyoung asked, his eyes wide in the way Wonwoo remembered from when Soonyoung asked if he could have his ice cream.

Just like that time, Wonwoo agreed.

“It’s tiny,” Wonwoo said softly, both of their faces up close so that they could examine it. Suddenly Soonyoung began to giggle.

“What? What’s so funny?”

“It peed on your hand,” Soonyoung told him and Wonwoo gasped in alarm, moving to shake the ladybug off only for Soonyoung to swoop in and take it from him before he could do that.

“Gross” Wonwoo whined, wiping his hand on Soonyoung’s shirt, he let out a shriek of a surprise and laughter as he wiggled away from Wonwoo who followed him tauntingly.

“You’re gross!” Soonyoung exclaimed before all but tackling him to the ground, the two of them erupting into fits of laughter as they lay there in the grass. Things were good for a very long time and Wonwoo was glad. Glad that he and Soonyoung were so close, that they always had loads of fun.

It was just his luck that it wouldn’t be like that always, though.

They were about 10 years old when Wonwoo realized that not everyone was as accepting as the people he’d grown up around.

They were old enough to go to the park down the road when they’d finished their homework without someone to supervise them, old enough to understand crushes, old enough to understand the whole stranger danger situation that had confused Wonwoo so much as a child.

Old enough to understand that not everyone had something nice to say to them.

Wonwoo had been reading on that particular day, out of the two of them, Wonwoo had been the one to grow fond of more tame activities, he liked to write, to read. He especially liked to explore when Soonyoung was feeling up to it.

Soonyoung was more or less the same, he still played with bugs, still couldn’t sit for more than a few minutes without finding something else to look at. He was a handful and sure, maybe Wonwoo wasn’t too fond of having acquired the role of caretaker from both their parents, didn’t mean he wasn’t going to stop doing it. Credit where credit was due, though, he had stopped playing in the dirt, which Wonwoo thought was nice.

It wasn’t something Wonwoo liked to think about, how he was developing interests different from those that Soonyoung had. It was a worry he had, one his mother liked to continuously say was not something a boy his age should be worrying about.

That didn’t stop Wonwoo from being a worrier.

So time and time again, Wonwoo would put down his book to help Soonyoung dig ‘tunnels’ in the sandbox, would put his book down to help him find the grasshopper he’d stumbled upon a few moments ago.

Whatever he could do to make sure he and Soonyoung could keep being friends. Whatever he could do to make sure nothing would change for them.

And that was completely fine, until that day.

They were older than them, but not by much. Wonwoo wanted to say maybe 15 or so? They weren’t really much taller than him since he’d been getting pretty tall already, but still, Wonwoo felt intimidated.

And they’d walked up to them, just like Wonwoo feared, even though he tried his best to ignore them, they’d walked up to them and there was nothing he could do about it now.

“Aren’t you two a little old to be playing around like that?” one of them sneered and Wonwoo frowned, Soonyoung only looked up at them curiously.

“We’re looking at bugs,” Soonyoung told them matter-of-factly, holding up the caterpillar he’d been holding, Wonwoo felt an odd sense of satisfaction as he watched the older boys step back in alarm.

“You guys are freaks” one of the older guys scoffed, shoving Soonyoung a little too roughly, his other hand flying up to make sure that the caterpillar didn’t fall. Wonwoo glared at them, not noticing one of them pick up his book.

“Is this yours? You looked like a nerd” he said tauntingly, holding the book above Wonwoo’s head as he scrambled up to grab it. Soonyoung had gotten that for him as a birthday present. He’d picked it himself, Soonyoung had bragged about it for days.

“Give it back,” Wonwoo said, his voice wavering slightly. He was scared. Of course, he was scared, all his life he’d been told to be kind, all his life people had been nothing but kind to him, too. It was like being doused with cold water, realizing that maybe there were people who actively chose not to be kind, that they weren’t just exaggerated characters he’d seen on tv or in the books he read.

Even as he was able to grab the book back from the older boy, Wonwoo could still feel a kind of dread in his stomach, could feel the way Soonyoung’s hands shook as they grabbed him by the arm, pulling him away from the older boys.

“What? Are you guys dating? Is he your boyfriend?” one of them laughed, making a face. So what if he was? His dad had always told him that no one should ever have to be ashamed of that kind of thing. That it wasn’t something you should be embarrassed by.

One look at Soonyoung’s pale, wide-eyed expression told him it was.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Soonyoung exclaimed, his hands clenched tightly at his side, he’d let go of Wonwoo as soon as the older boy had made the statement. The feeling in Wonwoo’s stomach felt like it was expanding, it felt cold, like he was numb.

“Sure, losers” they snickered at them, turning around and leaving. Wonwoo didn’t move until he was positive they’d rounded the corner.

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo asked Soonyoung timidly, he watched the way Soonyoung’s eyes had gotten steely then, a look he’d never seen on his best friend’s face. He wouldn’t look at him.

“I’m fine. Let’s go home” Soonyoung said, clearing his throat as he started making his way back, not even turning around to make sure Wonwoo was following him like he always would.

Wonwoo jogged to catch up to him, his eyes stinging as he realized that things were changing now, that they’d never be the same after today.

And they really weren’t, countless times they’d go back to the park together, and almost every time those older kids would come and pick on them. Eventually, it had gotten to a point that Soonyoung had gotten visibly angry, ready to throw a punch the way his dad had taught him. Ready to get into a full-blown fight.

The only reason he hadn’t was because Wonwoo had insistently begun to pull him home. Thankfully, he’d agreed and they walked back in silence.

They stopped looking for bugs after that.

Instead, Soonyoung started playing more sports, a particular favourite of his being basketball.

Wonwoo would always listen intently as Soonyoung talked about all the latest games, all the newest shoes that he aspired to get, joined him whenever Soonyoung wanted to go to the park to practice, when Soonyoung would do basketball weekend camps, Wonwoo would do them too.

It didn’t matter that the change felt weird to Wonwoo, or that it didn’t feel right, what mattered to him was that Soonyoung was happy. As long as he never got that same look in his eyes that he’d gotten on that day at the park, Wonwoo would be somewhat content with how things continued to play out.

When they’d gotten to middle school, Wonwoo started feeling like maybe he wasn’t so sure about that.

Sure, Soonyoung was louder and rowdier in a way he didn’t use to be, he called out in his classes and he’d make jokes that made the other students laugh. It seemed like for the most part, that would have been fine.

But the number of times Wonwoo had to walk home on his own due to the fact Soonyoung had detention for being disruptive in class, he was honestly quite lucky that Wonwoo was willing enough to cover for him.

Their friend, Jihoon, a kid they’d known since elementary school, had told Wonwoo how obnoxious he thought Soonyoung was being on countless occasions, even going as far as to wonder why Wonwoo still hung out with him.

Wonwoo felt a twinge in his heart every single time he had to defend him. For what reason? He wasn’t sure, but even though it annoyed Jihoon, Wonwoo still stood up for his best friend.

What was startling to Wonwoo most of all, was the fact he was seeing less and less of his friend. He probably shouldn’t have been complaining, they still had their after-school time together, but soon even that was beginning to fade away.

At lunch, Wonwoo would watch as the older kids called Soonyoung to sit by them, and with a halfhearted kind of gesture, he’d tell Wonwoo he’d see him later before running off. After school was no good as soon as basketball season started, Soonyoung had gotten a spot on the team, almost as if it had been promised to him and then practice happened every day.

Wonwoo still tried to support him as much as he could, though. He showed up to his games, he would stop by on occasion to his practices. They were short passing moments, and sometimes Soonyoung didn’t even pay him much of a second glance, but that was okay. As long as Soonyoung was happy after all.

The only time Wonwoo was sure to have Soonyoung’s undivided attention was on Saturdays. That was their day, the day they spent almost every hour together. On those days, Wonwoo could feel like things were fine again like Soonyoung wasn’t actively being ripped from his life bit by bit.

He told himself that maybe he could hold out until basketball season was over if he’d just have the Saturdays. That was all he’d wished for.

And then Soonyoung had signed up for taekwondo.

He’d been really eager about it too, explaining to Wonwoo that it was the exact same class his new friend, Seungcheol, was taking.

On some level, Wonwoo despised Seungcheol. Soonyoung was always talking about how cool he was, how Seungcheol was always so nice, how he was so smart, how all the girls liked him and how Soonyoung wanted to be just like him when he was older.

Wonwoo would only smile and nod, wondering silently about why it was such a good thing that girls liked them anyway. Because that was a thing that just happened? They were like 13, what did they know?

There had been one time, where Wonwoo had confessed to Soonyoung how he’d felt about the whole thing.

They were 14 at the time, and it was a random day they were finally getting to hang out together, Wonwoo was sat on the grass as he watched the latter play basketball in his driveway.

Out of nowhere, that’s how it had seemed to the both of them, Wonwoo expressed how upset he was over the fact that Soonyoung had been so busy ever since they started middle school. Told him it sucked that they couldn’t spend time together anymore.

He’d watched as Soonyoung froze, halfway through a shot and watched as Soonyoung scoffed, shaking his head as he followed through. The ball hit the hoop, bouncing off into the grass by Wonwoo.

“Don’t be such a pussy, dude. You’re overreacting,” he said as he picked the ball up. “you’re seriously killing the vibe. I just wanted to hang out”

Quietly, his heart sinking deep into his stomach, Wonwoo apologized and he continued to watch Soonyoung shoot the ball as he talked about his older friends. He never brought it up again and eventually, things just became commonplace.

Halfway through their third and final year of middle school, Junhui appeared out of nowhere.

He was tall and lanky, his bangs falling into his eyes and his posture was stock straight. He couldn’t speak to them very well, his first language being Chinese, but still, he was fun to be around.

Soonyoung didn’t particularly think so.

He was stuck with them, now that his older friends had graduated to high school and much like how Jihoon described it, it was as though they’d forced him to hang out with them rather than him just sitting his ass in a chair during lunch on the first day back.

But that didn’t mean he was nice about it, either. He was a jerk. A full blown asshole almost all the time. He was a dick to Junhui and his attempts to properly communicate to them, he was a jerk to Jihoon, who lit up like a Christmas tree when talking about music, and he was just plain mean to Wonwoo when he’d finally gotten the glasses he so desperately needed to see in class.

It was as if he thought he was the shit or something, just because he played a few sports and was a green belt in taekwondo didn’t mean he could just be a jerk to him and his friends.

Wonwoo didn’t remember when he stopped referring to Soonyoung as his friend, but that's exactly what he’d done and a part of him felt bad, really and truly.

Another part of him hoped that Soonyoung felt worse.

When the last day of school came around, Wonwoo was positive that the part of him, the one that felt a semblance of anything kind towards Soonyoung, had been thoroughly crushed.

He’d been walking with Jihoon and Junhui towards the library when the sound of cheering and yelling had grabbed their attention.

Eager to know what all the commotion was about, Wonwoo peeked around the corner, only to find Soonyoung about to punch a kid lights out.

Wonwoo didn’t know what it was, so many of his emotions clashing together and melding as he felt them all at once. Anger, disappointment, a part of him even felt unsurprised. He knew it was the anger that was fueling him, his legs moving before his brain could comprehend it, and before he knew it, he was all but pushing Soonyoung away from the other kid.

He hadn’t sent Soonyoung to the ground, thankfully, but he had succeeded in making Soonyoung angry, feeling his anger spike as Soonyoung pushed him right back, his eyes ablaze.

“What the hell are you doing?” he snapped at him, all but towering over him. Soonyoung had never been taller than Wonwoo, but now it absolutely felt that way.

“You need to fucking stop it, Soonyoung,” Wonwoo said through gritted teeth, his face inches from Soonyoung’s. He’s never been one to swear, hell, he’d never gotten into the habit that all of his peers had gotten into, but he was feeling too many emotions now. They’d promised they’d never be as bad as the bullied at the playground, and what was he doing now?

“Stop what, Wonwoo?” he responded, eyes narrowed.

“All of this shit!” Wonwoo said, pushing Soonyoung away from him, he could feel the watching eyes of their peers, everyone waiting with bated breath to see what would happen next. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Junhui and Jihoon checking on the kid that everyone had so mercilessly forgotten. “Stop being such an asshole!”

“Why does it matter to you?” Soonyoung spat, Wonwoo could see his busted lip, the way his cheek had turned an angry red. He was positive that would bruise.

“Because, before anything I was your fucking friend, so maybe you should start treating me that way,” Wonwoo said, scowling at Soonyoung. Soonyoung was silent, watching Wonwoo like a tiger, stalking its prey before it was ready to attack.

And attack he did.

Out of nowhere, Soonyoung pushed Wonwoo to the ground, sending him flying off his feet and landing with an odd crunching sound that felt like it had come from his wrist.

“Wonwoo! Are you okay?” Jihoon asked him quickly, by his side immediately as soon as Wonwoo had fallen.

“I-I think I broke my wrist,” Wonwoo said, tears welling up in his eyes, not because it hurt, but because someone he’d once called friend had done that to him intentionally.

“Shit. Junhui! Get a teacher!” Jihoon said, and with that alone, the kids began to scatter. Wonwoo looked up once, in hopes to catch a glimpse of Soonyoung, and he had.

The look on his face was one that made Wonwoo want to take it all back.

He was surprised, completely shocked at the fact he’d broken Wonwoo’s wrist, let alone hurt him. And it looked as if hurting Wonwoo had hurt him too. That’s what Wonwoo wanted to believe, that deep inside that changed soul, was the friend he’d made when he was 6.

“Soonyoung-“ he’d tried to say, but it was like throwing a rock in a still water pond. Before he could blink, the expression changed, steely and cool, scowling even. But Wonwoo hadn’t missed the way Soonyoung had wiped away his own tears.

“Leave me the fuck alone, Wonwoo” he’d said, his voice was cold, chilling even and without another word, he’d turned on his heel and ran.

Wonwoo oddly hadn’t seen Soonyoung at all that summer, which was strange to him since they were next door neighbours.

What was even stranger was the cast that stared back at him every day, Soonyoung’s name nowhere in sight.

By the time they were 17, both of them had more or less moved on with their lives.

They were in their junior year of high school, both of them doing their own thing.

Soonyoung was the star of their senior basketball team, having gotten on due to his ‘skill’, and the heartthrob to put an end to all heartthrobs. Wonwoo absolutely despised the fact that everywhere he went, people were talking about that jerk.

On the other hand, Wonwoo was a prominent member of the school’s debate team, one of the main editors of the school paper, and a member of the school’s drama club. It filled him with a smug kind of satisfaction to have his name be equally as presented around the school, he hoped that the fucker felt something akin to guilt when he heard his name in the halls.

He doubted that though, not like it mattered much to him.

However, regardless of the bitterness Wonwoo still felt, things were going great for him. Jihoon, Junhui and he had a pretty solid friendship and his grades would no doubt get him right where he wanted to be.

That only left Kwon Soonyoung.

And god, just leave it to Kwon Soonyoung to fuck shit up for him.

It had been a passing comment, not the first time he’d been the brunt of one of the jokes made by the cronies Soonyoung liked to call friends, and he’d taken every insult in stride, hadn’t given them a second glance. Just like his mother used to say, if you don’t pay them any mind, eventually they’d leave you alone.

But they never left him alone, never left any of them alone, and even Jihoon, the one out of the three of them to react the least to their comments, was starting to get annoyed.

And this particular comment made Wonwoo’s skin boil though. A half-assed jab at how Wonwoo was such a…God, he couldn’t even bring himself to think about that word. They’d never stooped low enough to harass him about things like that and he’d lost his cool.

But maybe it was the fact that final exam prep was starting to get to him, maybe it was the fact that stress was just sitting on his shoulders, waiting for him to break under the pressure.

He didn’t know what he was thinking, had barely even heard the rest of what as said. All he’d done was blink, and before he knew it, he’d socked Kwon Soonyoung right in the face.

And the hallway had gone quiet, the only sound being Wonwoo’s ragged breath and Soonyoung’s minions fussing over him like several mother hens.

Soonyoung looked back at him then, his lip busted, eyes burning into his own. And for once Wonwoo wasn’t just going to back away. He wasn’t a pussy, no matter what Soonyoung said.

“What the fuck was that for?” Soonyoung rasped out, his hands were shaking with anger but Wonwoo was riding his adrenaline high to the heavens.

“I was hoping it would get you to shut your mouth” Wonwoo responded, his voice low and rough, challenging almost. He should have known that the Kwon Soonyoung now never backed down from a challenge.

And then they were fighting, the situation had escalated so fast Wonwoo barely had time to think as Soonyoung was throwing a punch right back, and then they were on the ground.

It was a flurry of fists, the people around them cheering, placing bets as Wonwoo felt his eyes sting with tears that were beginning to cloud his vision. At some point, he’d lost his glasses.

They went at it for a few minutes before Wonwoo was aggressively being pulled off of Soonyoung, the students around them had gone quiet as someone quickly shoved his glasses in his direction. He put them on haphazardly to see Junhui with a firm grip on his arms, Jihoon stood right beside them and in front of them, all was their principal. Wiping at his nose, Wonwoo watched as his sleeve came back red.

“My office. Now” their principal said and Wonwoo heard Soonyoung scoff, turning towards him, Wonwoo saw he wasn’t in good shape at all. Good, he found himself thinking.

He didn’t know where the sting he felt in his chest was coming from.

“Way to fucking go, Jeon. This is just typical of you theatre kids, huh? Attention seeking fucks” Soonyoung muttered, glaring in his direction as the both of them sat outside of the principal’s office. Wonwoo scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“You’re not much better, asshole” Wonwoo grumbled and Soonyoung sat up straighter, turning to face him.

“Say that to my face, dickwad”

“You’re an asshole,” Wonwoo said, his eyes fiery as he glared at Soonyoung. For a moment Soonyoung held his gaze before turning away, chuckling to himself.

“This is fucking ridiculous, you know that right?” Soonyoung sighed, shaking his head as he leaned back in his chair, getting a better look at Wonwoo.

“Well I’m not the one who started it, now was I?” Wonwoo replied defiantly, staring down at his shoes.

“You literally threw the first punch”

“Yeah? Well maybe I wouldn’t have if you were less of a jerk, you know? You break my fucking wrist-“

“You’re still angry about that?”

“Soonyoung. You were my best friend. And then you broke my wrist. Do you even remember what you told me that day?” Wonwoo said, looking Soonyoung in the eye. He was starting to get sick of this conversation.

“No, but I think you probably do,” Soonyoung said blandly as if he was trying to ease the tension. Wonwoo sat strong and it seemed to unnerve his former friend.

“You told me to leave you alone. God, it really blows my mind that I tried to keep that friendship alive, I mean it clearly didn’t mean anything to you” Wonwoo said, shaking his head as he turned away.

There was silence then and Wonwoo waited, even though for all he knew, that could just as well have been the end of the conversation.

“Being your friend meant a lot to me”

Wonwoo turned back to look at Soonyoung who was watching him cautiously. As if he was scared that Wonwoo would laugh, and if Wonwoo didn’t know any better, he would have.

“You’re an A+ liar, you know that right?”

“No. Wonwoo, listen to me, god. For the longest time, you were the only genuine friend I had, that meant a lot to me, you tried so hard and I was a jerk. I know I was” Soonyoung said, self-assuredly and Wonwoo rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, the sob story everyone spins” he muttered and Soonyoung scowled.

“Will you stop being a jerk? I’m spilling my guts out to you”

“You’re a couple of years too late, Soonyoung,” Wonwoo said, watching as the principal’s office opened, his mom stepped out, looked peeved.

“I gotta go, Soonyoung” Wonwoo grumbled, as he grabbed his bag. Soonyoung stood up too, pushing Wonwoo lightly. Being this close, Wonwoo hadn’t realized how short the latter still was.

“Don’t be like this, Wonwoo. Please” Soonyoung pleaded and Wonwoo rolled his eyes.

“Like I said, Soonyoung. You’re too late” Wonwoo said, pushing past him roughly.

Wonwoo hoped no one could hear how loud his heart was beating as he followed his mom to her car.

Both of them were suspended for 3 days.

And by the time they were back to school, things were different.

For starters, Soonyoung had begun to sit with the three of them at lunch. The first time it had happened, Jihoon had pulled Wonwoo up out of his seat by his collar until they found a new table for them all to sit at, Soonyoung hadn’t followed them but from the way Wonwoo caught him glancing at their table, he knew it wouldn’t be their last encounter.

And he’d been right. The day after that, Soonyoung had taken a spot right at their table, and the day after that, and the day after that as well. It had gotten to the point that Jihoon was getting quite annoyed.

“Alright, what the hell do you want?” Jihoon snapped after what felt like a week of Soonyoung just sitting at their table.

“What? I’m just sitting here” Soonyoung responded innocently and Wonwoo scoffed, rolling his eyes as he poked at his food.

“Give it a rest, dickwad” Junhui shot back, getting up as if he was going to start something, Wonwoo pulled him back down into his seat.

“Leave it, he’ll leave if he wants to” Wonwoo drawled and Soonyoung smiled, waving at him, putting his hand down glumly as Wonwoo opted to ignore him.

“What’s the deal?” Jihoon hissed to him and Wonwoo shrugged.

“I wanna see what happens,” he admitted, shrugging innocently as Jihoon rolled his eyes.

“Fine, but I’m not saving your ass if you get beat up” Jihoon grumbled, taking a bite of Wonwoo’s lunch.

“Ah, but you see, Jihoon, you say that but you never follow through” Wonwoo teased and Jihoon scoffed, shoving him roughly.

“Hey, maybe you guys are fine with him just sitting here but I sure as hell am not” Junhui muttered and Wonwoo gave him a sympathetic look, patting his shoulder.

“He’s stubborn, you just gotta wait it out and before you know it, he’ll be gone. It’s like raccoons” Wonwoo compared and Jihoon snorted as they heard an indigent sound come from Soonyoung.

“You know I can hear you guys” Soonyoung grumbled, scowling and Wonwoo grinned at him.

“Oh, I know”

Soonyoung continued to just sit with them during lunch after that, though that really hadn’t been the message that Wonwoo was trying to portray. It wasn’t like he cared though, Soonyoung could sit wherever the hell he wanted, it didn’t matter to him.

Odd that his cronies were gone, though.

But if that wasn’t bad, try having someone who you could basically call a complete stranger always trying to weasel his way into conversations and plans.

The first time it happened, it had been awkward. Wonwoo could see the expressions on Jihoon and Junhui’s faces as they all but physically shut down at the thought of having Soonyoung join in on their important discussion, let alone a homework get together they’d been planning all day. Luckily, Soonyoung knew the meaning of no.

By the 6th or so time, Wonwoo wasn’t so sure. And he was physically and mentally close to blowing yet another fuse, he just couldn’t handle this anymore.

First, he couldn’t eat lunch in peace without Soonyoung trying to butt into their conversation and now he was just shoving himself into their plans uninvited, whatever it was that Soonyoung was planning, Wonwoo was nowhere near interested.

Did he just expect things to get better? After one horrendous conversation they had while bonding over the fact they’d been best friends at one point in their lives?

Clearly, Soonyoung just wasn’t getting it, and if he has to punch him in the face again to get that across, he totally would.

“Hey, Soonyoung, I need to talk to you” Wonwoo deadpanned after the final bell had rung. Soonyoung had a smug expression on his face as he turned to look at his friends. Wonwoo recognized them as Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Soonyoung’s shitty older friends from middle school.

“Of course, best friend, lead the way,” Soonyoung said, eagerly draping an arm around Wonwoo’s shoulder, he felt his cheeks get warm as he shoved his arm away.

“Just hurry up” Wonwoo grumbled, storming out of the building and waiting for Soonyoung outside.

“So, what’s up?” Soonyoung asked nonchalantly. Wonwoo rubbed his hands over his face out of frustration.

“Can you please leave us alone? God, please just leave us alone, Soonyoung” Wonwoo all but begged and Soonyoung looked startled.

“Why?”

“You’re making Jihoon and Junhui uncomfortable dude, can you just knock it off?” he pleaded and Soonyoung’s confusion morphed into something else. Wonwoo recognized the defiant expression.

“Knock what off?”

“Stop playing stupid, Kwon Soonyoung, it’s not funny”

“I’m not playing stupid, I don’t understand why you’re so upset with me!” Soonyoung said, his voice rising in volume, Wonwoo massaged his temples.

“You’re no good and a jerk, okay? You were never their friend because you never treated them that way. You’ve been bullying us for the past few years and what. Suddenly you’ve had a change of heart? That’s not how this shit works” Wonwoo ranted, his cheeks were getting warm and he felt irritated. Not only that, but he could feel his heart beating in his feet.

“I’m trying my best, Wonwoo,” Soonyoung said, his voice strained with the way he emphasized his name. From this close, Wonwoo could see the now healing bruise on his cheek and the sincerity in his eyes.

He hated how no matter what, Kwon Soonyoung was such an open book.

“That’s hard to believe when I literally punched you in the face” Wonwoo drawled and Soonyoung scoffed, shaking his head.

“That’s in the past,” he said, laughing as if he was trying to lighten the mood. Wonwoo kept his face blank and thankfully, Soonyoung got the hint.

“No one changes overnight, so why are you trying so hard to?”

“I thought a lot about it, after our conversation at the principal’s office a few weeks ago. Really, I never thought about how I was making you feel and it was haunting me- It’s been haunting me”

“And you decided that to help your guilty conscience, you were gonna try and be my friend again?” Wonwoo deadpanned, Soonyoung looked like he was starting to get impatient, and to be blatantly fair, so was Wonwoo.

“No- what? Wonwoo will you just please hear me out-“

“No, hang on. Okay? You can’t just throw yourself into my life and expect me to accept you the same way I did when we were kids. That’s not how life is, you’ve been a jerk to me for the longest time and I’m not just gonna forgive you all of a sudden because you changed your mind” Wonwoo said, his voice shook and despite himself, he could feel the way his eyes were starting to sting.

And to think, he believed he was over it when it came to this kid.

“You made mistakes, that’s great. I’m glad you know that now, but it’s gonna take me a long time to forgive you” Wonwoo said finally, after standing in silence with Soonyoung for longer than he thought was necessary.

“What can I do- How can I make you forgive me?” Soonyoung asked he sounded like he was pleading. Wonwoo had to stop himself from bursting out laughing, why did this matter to him all of a sudden? It hadn’t for so many years.

“Show me that you’re really serious about this change. Show me that you’re actually trying and give us some time. These things don’t just happen overnight” Wonwoo decided and Soonyoung looked as though he was considering his conditions, nodding eagerly after a moment.

“Alright. You got it” he said, saluting him cheekily before running off. Wonwoo let out a deep sigh, leaning against the wall as he closed his eyes.

“Of all the things he’s willing to do, an apology just doesn’t seem to be one of them” he mumbled to himself, shaking his head. This was gonna be a long few weeks.

Not like he trusted Soonyoung to even try that long in the first place.

He was pleasantly surprised when, months later, Soonyoung was still going pretty strong.

He was kinder, even getting the people who had given them the hardest time to leave them alone. He was friendlier, though that was something that Jihoon and Junhui were still having trouble grasping. At times, Wonwoo even found himself enjoying his time around Soonyoung.

He wasn’t fond of that fact. He was still upset at him, but now a part of him, a part of him he’d tried so hard to keep buried, was out in the open again. It was getting difficult to keep up his whole façade.

Especially now that Junhui, the nicest and sweetest of the three of them, was taking a liking to Soonyoung. Still, Wonwoo wasn’t just going to back down on his words, he was stronger than that.

Well, he liked to think so.

It was midday on a Saturday and he’d just woken up, admittedly, it was not one of his greatest accomplishments. He’d been laying in bed, debating getting up or not, when he heard the yelling from outside. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was his name being yelled.

Stumbling out of bed, he shoved his glasses onto his face before pulling the window open.

“What- What is it?” Wonwoo asked over the yelling. Squinting as he attempted to cover his eyes from the sun that was shining in his face. Only to see Soonyoung with most of his body out of his window.

“Did you just get up?” Soonyoung asked him, incredulous as Wonwoo rolled his eyes. 

“What do you want? And get back in your room before you fall out” Wonwoo said and Soonyoung obediently listened, only his head sticking out now.

“You wanna hang out?” Soonyoung asked, grinning at Wonwoo. The expression on his face filled him with a familiar kind of sensation, he tried his best to push it away.

“Right now? It’s so early” Wonwoo said with a yawn and Soonyoung rolled his eyes.

“It’s noon, and it doesn’t seem like you have any plans. Come on, please?” Soonyoung begged.

Wonwoo huffed, running a hand through his already tousled hair. “Don’t you have your dumb jock friends to hang out with?”

“I’ve never heard anyone use jock in a real life sentence before”

“Shut up, I asked you a question”

“Well, no. Not really, they’re kinda mean” Soonyoung admitted with a pout and Wonwoo scoffed.

“So were you a couple of months ago” he teased, they’d been on good enough terms that it had just been a thing they joked about at that point. Still, a layer of bitterness coated Soonyoung’s words.

“I’m a changed man now, I’ve grown, I’ve matured,” Wonwoo watched as Soonyoung stood up, puffing up his chest in an exaggerated manner, he rolled his eyes, though even he couldn’t keep the smile from his face as Soonyoung deflated himself “but seriously, you wanna hang out?”

“Where are we going?”

“Just around. Come on, please?” Soonyoung begged and Wonwoo sighed.

“Alright yeah, I’ll meet you outside in like 20 minutes?” Wonwoo suggested and Soonyoung grinned widely, nodding before he shut his window.

Wonwoo hoped that he wouldn’t completely regret this.

In about 15 minutes, Wonwoo was shoving his shoes onto his feet and walking out the door to find Soonyoung standing right there.

“Oh. Hey” Wonwoo greeted and Soonyoung grinned cheekily.

“Did you comb your hair?” Soonyoung asked innocently, Wonwoo rolled his eyes, shoving him playfully. This far into it, he’d just assumed Soonyoung was kidding.

Though he still got defensive when Soonyoung’s jokes went too far for his liking, a force of habit on both their parts.

“No, I kept it looking gross, just for you” Wonwoo drawled and Soonyoung laughed, patting Wonwoo’s shoulder.

“Okay. So, I was thinking we could go to the park. Does that sound good?” Soonyoung asked, walking backwards down the sidewalk as Wonwoo followed after him. Wonwoo shrugged.

“Your idea, you can pick whatever you want”

“Hey, no fair. I invited you so I could get a second opinion” Soonyoung pouted and Wonwoo chuckled, shaking his head at Soonyoung’s antics. He’d really done an entire 180 with his personality and Wonwoo was pretty impressed.

“In my opinion, I think you should choose” Wonwoo teased and Soonyoung rolled his eyes, tripping over his own feet on the curb. On instinct, Wonwoo reached out and grabbed his wrist to steady him, which when Soonyoung had regained his balance, surprised them both.

For a long moment, they stood there, with Wonwoo’s hand on Soonyoung’s wrist before finally, staring at one another, before Soonyoung finally pulled away. He cleared his throat, turning to face the other way before he continued walking.

“Okay so anyway, the park?” he said, turning around to make sure Wonwoo was still behind him. Wonwoo blinked, before nodding and quickly following after him.

If he’d noticed that out of nowhere, a pinkish tint had made its way onto Soonyoung’s cheeks and warmth had filled his entire body, he wouldn’t say.

“So. What’s your plan for today?” Wonwoo asked as they finally made it to the park, there were some kids around, playing on the equipment and such. It had been a while since Wonwoo had been here.

“Just wanted to hang out with someone, we could sit and talk?” Soonyoung offered and Wonwoo nodded, following Soonyoung to the big hill on the far left of the park, the one place farther from the sandbox.

“We’re just gonna sit and talk? We could’ve done that at home” Wonwoo frowned, but still, he joined Soonyoung in sitting down.

“That’s crazy talk, you’d want to miss out on all this? The sun? The birds chirping-“

“Okay, Cinderella, I get it,” Wonwoo said with a grin, cutting off Soonyoung’s tangent, he laughed, shrugging. Wonwoo couldn’t help but appreciate how familiar the scene was.

“Really, I just wanted to get to talk to you, in a less of a stand-offish scenario” Soonyoung admitted, his knees pulled up to his chest as he played with the grass, pulling a few blades out of the ground and sprinkling them on Wonwoo’s leg.

“Yeah? About what?” Wonwoo asked, brushing the grass off of his pants much to Soonyoung’s playful dismay.

“A lot. You promise you’ll hear me out?” Wonwoo turned to look Soonyoung in the eyes then, from this close, he could see the little flecks of yellow in the sunlight. His eyes held a kind of seriousness he was unfamiliar with.

“Yeah, I promise” Wonwoo nodded and Soonyoung sighed before he stopped and reached down for something right beside him.

“Hey look, it’s a caterpillar!” Soonyoung said excitedly, holding it up for Wonwoo to see. Wonwoo blinked, not expecting the change, and he’d burst out laughing, the confusion on Soonyoung’s face adding to it.

“Sorry, sorry. You just reminded so much of yourself when you were younger. It was weird” Wonwoo admitted, a small smile on his face as Soonyoung thought about it for a moment.

“Bugs were always so cool,” Soonyoung said, a sense of finality in his tone as Wonwoo nodded encouragingly, much like he would have back then. He played with the caterpillar in his hands for a moment longer as Wonwoo watched patiently.

“Do you wanna hold it?” he asked him as if he was testing the waters and Wonwoo almost turned down the offer before he thought about it again.

“Aw, what the hell. As long as it doesn’t pee on me” Wonwoo said, and Soonyoung laughed before gently allowing the caterpillar to walk on to Wonwoo’s hand.

“Okay wow that is not what I expected it to feel like, at all,” Wonwoo said, shaking his head as Soonyoung laughed. “Quick, take it back”

Calmly, Soonyoung nudged the caterpillar onto his own hand before getting up and walking towards a tree nearby and placing it up on a branch before returning over to Wonwoo.

“Okay, what were we talking about?” Soonyoung asked him after a moment and Wonwoo chuckled, shrugging.

“I dunno, you just made me promise to hear you out” Wonwoo recounted and Soonyoung snapped as he remembered exactly where he’d been going with this.

“Right, right. Yeah. You promised, so you can’t take that back” Soonyoung said, fidgeting with a blade of grass between his fingers. He seemed nervous, Wonwoo wasn’t sure what that could be about.

“Yeah, I promise. Go ahead” Wonwoo urged him gently and Soonyoung nodded, clearing his throat before taking a deep breath.

“I just wanted to apologize. I don’t think I ever got around to it before, you know” Soonyoung said finally and Wonwoo felt the breath catch in his throat. This was it. The one thing Wonwoo had hoped would happen after all these years, as sad as it sounded.

“I know I basically forced you into forgiving me way before you were ready to but the fact you were so… I dunno, willing, I guess? It was so reassuring, you just let it happen and I want to thank you for that but I also wanna apologize,” Soonyoung glanced at Wonwoo out of the corner of his eye nervously and despite himself, Wonwoo nodded, urging him on silently.

“You were always so considerate of my feelings, of everyone’s feelings and I’ve taken that for granted for as long as I’ve known you. The fact we’re even sitting here right now is testament enough to that and it sucks that I’ve never been fair to you. I know that this could never make up for that, a verbal apology, but I do want you to know and understand that I’m sorry and I do mean that” Soonyoung said finally.

Wonwoo sighed, turning to face him fully. “I don’t get where this self-reflection came from all of a sudden”

“I guess that’s fair. But it really wasn’t all that sudden,” Soonyoung admitted, also turning to face Wonwoo. “Sure, maybe it seemed like I was a dick on the surface but there was a lot going on up here”

Soonyoung tapped his head but even with that admission, Wonwoo still felt confused.

“Seems fake?” Soonyoung assumed and Wonwoo shrugged.

“I lied. About what I told you when we got sent to the principal’s office? I remembered what I said to you after breaking your wrist so vividly, and it sucked. You’d always been so nice and what did I end up doing? I broke your wrist. Was I just supposed to apologize?” Soonyoung deadpanned, the last sentence was said as if it was ridiculous.

“Yes. That’s- that’s really all I would have wanted back then. I just wanted to understand, you know? Why you were acting like that. I still want to know. I want to know what changed” Wonwoo told him seriously, a part of him was frustrated at how surprised Soonyoung looked to hear that.

“You remember that day? The day those guys on the playground came up to us out of nowhere?” Soonyoung asked and Wonwoo nodded slowly, not really knowing where this was going.

“Remember I just ran home? I was so upset, I wanted to tell someone about it so that they could stop it, but only dad was home” Soonyoung said slowly as if trying to get Wonwoo to understand what that meant. Wonwoo remembered Soonyoung’s dad from when they were kids, he was cold and he didn’t talk much, Wonwoo remembered thinking it was weird, he’d been so different from his own dad.

“He got mad at me, said I should’ve stood up for myself, said that maybe if I quit looking at bugs and spent more time on the court playing basketball it wouldn’t happen” Soonyoung drawled and Wonwoo frowned. He remembered telling his dad too, his dad had told him that while, yes, a lot of people in the world might be mean, that didn’t mean he shouldn't be the one with the upper hand, that he should be the one that was kind.

He remembered that Soonyoung’s dad thought his dad was a pussy.

“And I ignored him, obviously, but then we got picked on again, and again. So I took his advice” Soonyoung nodded and Wonwoo winced, he remembered when Soonyoung started playing basketball more, the problem had started then.

“And that got me so far, the older kids liked me a lot and people stopped picking on me, I thought I was on top of the world,” Soonyoung chuckled darkly, ripping up the grass again, “but obviously those guys were bad influences. Didn’t know that though, dad liked them. Said they were probably better for me that you were”

“What did your mom say?” Wonwoo asked him softly, feeling a sting in his chest at hearing that, Soonyoung sighed.

“Do what makes you happy, do what you think should happen, do this, do this. But obviously, at the time I thought, hey dad is right, he’s always right. So I listened to him, for so long”

“Jesus, Soonyoung” Wonwoo said, exhaling heavily as he looked up at the sky, he heard Soonyoung let out an equally deep sigh.

“Yeah, having those guys as the people I wanted to be closest too and then having dad at home, it was rough. But I still should’ve listened to you, should’ve cared that you were upset when we stopped hanging out so much,” Soonyoung said with a shrug. “I was so willing to just give all that up when I saw you hanging out with Junhui and Jihoon and having so much fun”

“But what happened?”

“I got into that fight after school. It was a stupid fight, I know. I don’t even remember why we were fighting,” Soonyoung said bitterly, shaking his head. “And then I broke your wrist and I bolted, I was angry. Angry at myself, angry at you for getting in the way. And I was so upset, so upset that I just ruined our friendship, but you wanna know what dad said?”

“What?” Wonwoo asked weakly.

“It’s better off that way, so quit crying like a little baby, because men don’t cry so get over it” Soonyoung drawled and Wonwoo let out a disbelieving laugh as he shook his head.

“I kinda believed you would just not accept my apology and I just stuck with Seungcheol’s group, they suck, man. They’re so mean and I realized soon enough that I just didn’t wanna be with them. Too late to think that though, my fate was sealed”

“And then I punched you in the face?” Wonwoo supplied and Soonyoung nodded.

“And I was pissed off because I don’t talk to you for years and the first thing you did was punch me in the face. It sucked, I didn’t even do anything!” Soonyoung said, seemingly still not understanding why Wonwoo had punched him.

“I walked by and… and heard your friends making these shitty comments about my sexuality- which for starters, is not something anyone even knows about, so it set me off, and you were the first face I saw” Wonwoo admitted.

Soonyoung scoffed, shaking his head. “Maybe I deserved that but I wasn’t even an active part of that conversation, like why the hell would I talk shit about your sexuality when I’m literally bisexual”

The statement took Wonwoo by surprise so completely that his jaw dropped. “You-You're- oh! Oh my god! I’m so sorry!”

Soonyoung just laughed, shrugging. “Hey you beat me to it though, I was about to clock that guy”

“God, this really does put a lot of things into perspective” Wonwoo grimaced and Soonyoung nodded with a heavy sigh before he continued.

“My main thing is still to apologize to you, though. We missed out on a lot of things we could have experienced together because I was a dumb kid but I want things to be better for us now”

Wonwoo thought about it for a moment, thought about how he could properly phrase his sentence before finally, he settled on something he assumed would work out okay. “To be honest, a part of me really doesn’t wanna forgive you. For the longest time, it felt like maybe I’d done something to deserve this shit and it really blows, you know? But another part of me also thinks that if anything, you deserve an apology too,”

“Look, that might sound like a total surprise to you, but when you think about it, you deserve an apology just as much as I do. We’ve been through some tough shit, I know that, and nothing will change how you acted in the past, but moving forward we can be better. So I wanna start off right and I wanna say that I’m sorry, maybe I could have been a better friend, maybe if we’d done things differently, things would be different now. It’ll take me a long time to properly forgive you for what happened back then, that doesn’t mean I won’t consider trying again”

The look on Soonyoung’s face was enough for Wonwoo to have to fully turn his head away for fear of tearing up. It was a mixture of things, happiness, frustration, confusion. In all, it was exactly how Wonwoo felt, all of it churning in his chest, making it feel tight.

When it came down to it, they were practically strangers to one another. Both having no clue of the other person’s side of the story until this very moment. It was like being reintroduced to an entirely new person, it would have been jarring to most people.

But in some cases, just like this one, it worked out just fine. Especially when the intended resolution was a more solid and trust based friendship, something they both hoped to find in each other as they slowly rebuilt their relationship bit by bit.

Some parts felt like successes, like when Wonwoo and Soonyoung were able to just talk about nonsense with no particular rhyme or reason, just like they had as kids.

Most parts felt like losses, like when Wonwoo and Soonyoung just couldn’t see eye to eye, both parties getting equally heated before inevitably just turning their back on one another.

It was the thing about the whole change that Wonwoo hated the most, no matter what they tried, getting back what they lost wouldn’t be easy. Luckily, Soonyoung was there to remind him that maybe this new thing could be just as good. Wonwoo decided he’d trust him just this once.

And before they knew it, the end of the year was just around the corner.

It was as if things had been kicked into overdrive, one day they were beginning their senior year and then suddenly things were coming to a close. It was overwhelming, to say the least, but it was thrilling too.

And now that Wonwoo no longer had to worry about Soonyoung, he had yet another problem to deal with.

Soonyoung.

But not just Soonyoung himself, but the fact that he’d had feelings for him ever since he was a child.

It was silly, when he thought about it really, after all him and Soonyoung had been through together, the fact he was able to remember a crush he’d tried so well to hide sounded ridiculous. Still, according to Jihoon, there were variables that even he couldn’t ignore.

A bunch of those variables included the countless times that Wonwoo had wondered what it would be like to kiss Soonyoung.

But if he looked back far enough, he was positive that there were probably other things too. So what was he supposed to do now that he had this information?

Telling Soonyoung was clearly out of the question, they were on such good terms now, who knew what this could change? Especially considering the fact that neither of them was fully out.

Against his better judgement, he decided to not listen to Junhui and Jihoon and keep this information to himself. Only that meant that Wonwoo couldn’t ask Soonyoung to prom.

Not like he was going too, though. That’s crazy.

Instead, he’d asked a good friend of his, Hyelin, to be his date to prom. She accepted, though even she found it weird that Wonwoo was going with her instead of Soonyoung.

Was he the last one to realize this stupid crush?

Eventually, graduation was upon them, and right after that was prom. Where Wonwoo had only just found out, as he walked into the venue, that Soonyoung was going with Yeri, the two of them surrounded by members of Soonyoung’s basketball team. She was the one girl who infamously had one of the biggest crushes on Soonyoung.

Well, at least they had something in common.

He’d barely seen Soonyoung all night, really, wanting to make sure that Hyelin, Jihoon and Junhui had a good time that didn’t involve his own personal issues first. That meant doing a lot of dancing and socializing, even though those things were barely his forte, didn’t mean it wasn’t fun.

Around the time a majority of the people were starting to make their way out of the venue, Wonwoo had lost track of his friends in the crowd, finding himself on the edge of the slowly shrinking dance circle as he walked around to find them. Instead, he found Soonyoung.

“Soonyoung! Hey!” Wonwoo greeted him, Soonyoung looked startled, relaxing a bit when he finally saw who it was.

“Wonwoo, I didn’t even recognize you without your glasses! You look good” Soonyoung said and Wonwoo shrugged, though his heart was racing at the compliment. He’d decided to wear contacts tonight through Jihoon’s persuasion, the suit did look a bit better without them, though.

“Thanks, how’s your night been? I feel like I haven’t seen you at all” that was a lie, Wonwoo could name a couple of times where he’d seen Soonyoung and Yeri together. He’d keep that to himself.

“It was good, I know you’re not too fond of the other guys on the team so I didn’t wanna ruin your night. I think I lost Yeri, though” he admitted sheepishly and Wonwoo laughed, on the inside, he was over the moon, it made his heart mushy to hear Soonyoung say he’d done it solely so Wonwoo could have a good night.

“Yeah, Hyelin and the guys just kinda disappeared, I was trying to look for them”

“Oh, cool… You wanna get out of here instead?” Soonyoung asked him suddenly and Wonwoo blinked at the spontaneity of the situation. Still, he wouldn’t have been opposed to it.

“Sure, why not” he shrugged and Soonyoung grinned before taking his hand and dragging him out of the venue.

“Where are we going?” Wonwoo asked as he and Soonyoung walked down the road, still hand in hand. Soonyoung’s hand was admittedly a little sweaty but he didn’t mind.

“That playground” Soonyoung pointed and Wonwoo turned to see the assortment of equipment, the only thing illuminating them were the street lamps nearby.

“It’s the night of our lives and we’re gonna spend it here?” Wonwoo teased as Soonyoung all but ran towards the jungle gym, releasing Wonwoo’s hand to do so. Immediately, Wonwoo felt as though he were missing something.

“Why not?” Soonyoung said, hanging himself upside down much to Wonwoo’s amusement. Freshly graduated, wearing the fanciest tux he owned, and Soonyoung still managed to find it in himself to pull shit like this.

He couldn’t help but feel so fond.

“We’re nearly adults now, tonight I want to choose not to be,” Soonyoung said quietly and Wonwoo smiled.

“Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, I’m coming up” Wonwoo said before hanging himself in the same way Soonyoung had, he watched as Soonyoung smiled at him.

“You get your acceptance letter?” Soonyoung asked him as they hung there for a while, Wonwoo could feel the blood rushing to his head as he nodded.

“I start in the fall, did you make it?” Wonwoo asked and he watched as Soonyoung’s happy expression faltered, he pulled himself up, sitting on the edge of the jungle gym, watching him curiously, Wonwoo did the same.

“I’ve got some news. You wanna hear it?” Soonyoung said quietly as Wonwoo finally steadied himself beside Soonyoung.

“Yeah, go for it”

“I got the basketball scholarship, I move out of state in a months’ time,” Soonyoung said and despite how happy the news was, Soonyoung didn’t seem all that thrilled.

“Soonyoung, that’s amazing! I heard you’ve been trying to get this scholarship for years” Wonwoo said, nudging him. Soonyoung chuckled.

“I mean that was the plan, originally, but things change”

“What changed?” Wonwoo asked him softly and Soonyoung turned to face him, his eyes held a softness in them, but also something much sadder.

“I think I did”

“In a good way?”

“I hope it was good,” Soonyoung said, swinging his legs underneath him as he stared at the ground below. “but I don’t know if I want to leave”

“Well, why not? It’s a good opportunity, you’re good at what you do. Nothing to lose right?” Wonwoo said and Soonyoung turned to him again, his cheeks pink as he seemed to be taking him in.

“Maybe one thing”

“Oh?”

“Yeah”

“Well, what is it?” Wonwoo asked cluelessly and Soonyoung sighed.

“I’m looking at it right now”

Wonwoo blinked owlishly in surprise, his heart felt like it was beating a mile a minute as Soonyoung kept eye contact with him, he imagined that his cheeks shared a similar pink hue now.

“Well, who said you’d lose me?”

“I dunno, I’m worried. Things are really working out for us right now, how can I be sure that in the future they’ll continue to work out?” Soonyoung asked, he seemed as though he were getting frustrated.

Wonwoo took his hand, despite how damp it was, squeezing it tightly. “No one knows those things for sure, Soon”

“But? I know there’s a but”

“But I think we’ll be okay, you know? After all we’ve been through it would be ridiculous for us to just throw this all away because of distance. I think we’re better than that”

“And what if I’m not?”

“Then I guess we’ll have to figure that out together,” Wonwoo said with a slight grin and Soonyoung looked taken aback, looked as though he wanted to argue. And yet he didn’t.

“You make my whole dramatic ‘college, coming of age’ moment so difficult to achieve” Soonyoung huffed out finally and Wonwoo laughed, a warm sound in the cool night.

“Well that’s because we know that you will, it’s too big of an opportunity to miss out on, Soonyoung. We can figure out what happens after when we get to it” Wonwoo said finally. In a way, he was surprised at the statements he was spewing for Soonyoung. It felt foreign for him to be so willing to put all his trust and faith into a person he would not be able to even sit beside just a year ago.

But things change, people grow.

“Hey, Wonwoo?” Soonyoung asked then, Wonwoo caught the determined look in his eyes as he turned to gaze out at the empty playground.

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever… kissed someone before?”

Completely taken aback by the question, Wonwoo had turned to Soonyoung so quickly he’d almost fallen off the jungle gym, luckily Soonyoung’s grip on his hand was firm. “Uh, I think maybe once, on a dare. You?”

“No… uh, never actually” Soonyoung admitted.

“Wow, that’s a shock” Wonwoo teased and Soonyoung rolled his eyes, grinning. He seemed nervous and it filled Wonwoo’s body with a faint buzz of anticipation.

“Could I… Could I kiss you? Right now?” Soonyoung asked, turning to face him haphazardly on top of the jungle gym. The request had caught him off guard but also filled him with a kind of eagerness.

“Right now?”

“I mean, for the longest time since we were kids, I wondered what it would be like to kiss you but dad was always kinda asshole-y about liking guys and then we stopped being friends but even then I sometimes thought about it? That sounds weird, I know but uh, anyway,” Soonyoung cleared his throat, biting his lip as he managed to get a hold on his rambling. “Can I kiss you now?”

“I think,” Wonwoo started, pulling himself closer to Soonyoung as he grinned. “that it would be awfully rude if you didn’t”

And without much of a second thought, Soonyoung had done exactly that, pressing his lips gently against Wonwoo’s as his hand came up to cup his cheek, the other he used to keep balance. Wonwoo couldn’t help but note how sweet he tasted, how the butterflies in his stomach had somehow made their way into his chest.

When Soonyoung finally pulled away, Wonwoo could see the way the stars reflected in his eyes and suddenly, he felt a little breathless.

“I think I liked that a lot,” Soonyoung said after a moment and Wonwoo laughed, resting his forehead against Soonyoung’s.

At 6 years old, Jeon Wonwoo had met Kwon Soonyoung, now that they were 18, he was glad to finally get to know him. 

**Author's Note:**

> hello !!! this was a fic i was actually pretty excited to write! it was really an honour to be able to work with anna, she’s wonderful and i think that together we were able to create something really awesome!
> 
> i went a different route with the whole romance thing and i wanted it to seem more realistic? idk if it came off that way but in general, i made some points about ww’s crush very subtle so i hope yall can spot them ajsjj 
> 
> \- parker


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